How to Talk to Your Preschooler About Race and Racism

How parents of preschoolers (ages 3-5) can talk to their children about race and racism 

"The best way for parents to teach a celebration of difference is to live a life that celebrates difference," says Dr. Dana E. Crawford, a clinical psychologist who works with children. 

Talk about how words and actions can hurt

Preschool-age children are at an important stage of growth in terms of their awareness of how people's feelings can be affected by actions and words—including their own. That's why your child's preschool probably has specific language and guidelines for dealing with bullying and inclusion (and if they don't, it's time to find a new preschool).

Crawford suggests reinforcing the anti-bullying, pro-inclusivity language children are encountering at school at this age, literally bringing the message home: "Parents can say something like, 'Some people bully other people because of the way they dress, talk and even look. Making fun of someone because of their skin is a really bad type of bullying.'"

Crawford continues, "White parents might add, 'In this family, we do not make fun of or leave someone out because of their skin color. When we see that happening we stand up to bullies and we invite everyone to be a part of our lives.' For Black parents, they might add, 'Some people who are bullies may try to bully you because of your skin color. If that ever happens to you, please let me know.'"

Talk about the science—and social impact—of skin color

Every parent of a preschooler knows that kids this age tend to be obsessed with natural science—dinosaurs, seasons, weather, planets, animals, habitats, any topic that reveals something about the "why" of the world they live in. This also helps explain why parents often find themselves in unexpected conversations with their preschoolers about skin color, and why it's different from person to person. There's nothing "wrong" with this conversation, and in fact, it's an important moment for you and your child to talk about not just why skin colors are different but also what that means.

Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum's widely-shared talk on this subject, called Is My Skin Brown Because I Drank Chocolate Milk? is an excellent introduction to why it's so important to address children's confusion about skin color head-on. For many people of color, their very first race-related memory is of being a young child and experiencing confusion or embarrassment because another child called attention to their skin color.

Tatum tells how her 3-year-old son was asked by a preschool classmate whether his skin was brown because he drank chocolate milk—and she suggests that all parents should explain to young children how skin coloration works, not just parents of Black children. An open conversation about different skin colors can prevent confusion, hurt and the dangers of silence. The worst thing you can say when your child points out skin color is, "sssh," or "we don't talk about that."

So much for the worst thing to say—what's the best way to explain skin color to young children? Tatum's approach with her own son was to be straightforward and clear: "Your skin is brown because you have something in your skin called melanin. Everybody has some."

She went on to explain that when a white friend came back from Florida with a tan, that was because the sun brought out the melanin in his skin, adding, "Everybody has some [melanin]...but in your class, you're the kid with the most." Her 3-year-old (like most preschoolers) was of course delighted to be the kid with the most of something.

"Preschool is a good age to teach children, on a very concrete level, about why people have different skin colors," Hershberg agrees, adding that beyond talking about what melanin is, you can also talk about how skin color is an unfair basis for judging other people—you wouldn't judge someone by their hair or eye color, and skin color is the same.

Point out examples of systemic racism

Your preschooler will probably beat you to the punch on this one. In much the same way that your preschooler is increasingly aware of unfairness in their person-to-person interactions, your preschooler is going to notice—and be interested in—examples of unfairness in the world around them. Take this as a good sign, and encourage that awareness through questions and conversations.

"It's important for white parents to point out some of the manifestations of structural and systemic racism that children begin to notice at this age," Hershberg says. "If we don't explain that systems exist in the United States that allow people with white skin to have jobs with more power and money, then they will come to believe that people with white skin are somehow more deserving of those things."

You might think this is a complex topic to bring up with a young child, but don't shy away from it just because it's complex. Ask your child questions, and answer with examples they can recognize.

(From Motherly)

Resources for parents of preschoolers

Watch: CNN and Sesame Street Town Hall: Standing Up to Racism

Read: The Brown Bookshelf promotes African American children's book authors and illustrators.

Play: A crayon pack and coloring book that celebrate different skin colors

Listen: Reading of We're Different, We're the Same by Bobbi Jane Kates

Podcast: EdSurge Podcast, How Antiracism Work is Changing Early Childhood Education